Dying is Easier Than Trying

Looking back at the life I've lead, going from dead last to a lap ahead
And ending up right back where the race was bread
The day I've dreaded is headed my way, and praying won't stop this disaster
I can feel my pulse on its way to a stall as blood flow's beating faster
Tears are welling up in my eyes and I can't fight them from falling to die
So I cry, and as I'm writing this, I'm keeping you in thought
Cause even though you're gone you're all that I've got
So as I continue to rot, and fall back on the codes that I've been taught
Waiting for war to finally be wrought as this wasteland town is reduced to naught
The sun sleeps behind horizons hills, and I'm praying it passes in it's rest
Cause night consumes me, darkness blooms over a mind so stressed
And depressed, twisted and contorted. Looking through eyes so distorted
I wonder if I'll ever see a brighter day or relieve this pain
And if it even all comes to an end with a bullet in brain
So lets play 5 bullet Russian Roulette, 1 on 1
Spin the revolver and fire the gun.

Pirates Life For Me

This is our fucking life! And we wont back down!
We light the pyres and burn the town!
Anoint the King, and drown in lies,
People remain the same as time flies.
And like all dreams, we slowly die;
This is the Legacy of I.
The journey doesn't end, not tonight.
We set to the streets to show our might;
And with the burning horizon in sight,
We realize that this is our plight.
And I'll be the first to go down with the ship.
If you haven't got a clue, let me give you a tip,
If the life that you lead is one without pleasures,
And you seek a life of freedom and treasures;
Then sail the seas with the crew of the damned.
And we shall wreak hell on all the land.

A Thousand Dreams, Yet Not a One Shines Through.

Everything I've ever wanted has graced me with its presence in my life. Shes all I've ever asked for and for some reason shes mine. All the bad things I've done seem to disrupt karma to such an extent that things have been going right. All except for the casualty list that continues to rise in this steady plague of people picking themselves off in this town I grew up in.

There's much on my mind but not much to say.

I've been down the paths that all end here
The blur around my vision has become clear
And the banner flies as another live dies
Another fallen friend as another family cries
It's been a long life, 19 years hasn't been kind
I've been steady on a hustle trying to keep up on a grind
Well its time to kiss this all goodbye and leave
An easy target is a heart worn on sleeve
In a time of war, it pays to be apathetic
And to not have a care for the weak and pathetic
But what does a soldier do when there's no banner to fly
What does a warrior do without a rallying cry
Does he just wilt into old age and die
Or does he find a new reason to try
It's all just rolling dice as to what the future holds
But one thing this soldier knows is what love beholds
A tomorrow that we mold, hand and hand, together
A warrior fighting to tie a knot no one can sever.

Internal Wars in External Struggle

There's no end in sight, without a fight
We stand no chance, and we die tonight
You must find it in yourself to fear nothing
And take from them everything
We must, stand our ground ever stronger
We can't take this any longer
I gave it my all, and still I'm suffering
My only wish is for deaths wings to bring
Peace to my restless mind, I try, but find
That everything I could wish for will die in time
So I, set course on a V-line to hell,
When only thoughts of you can tell
Me exactly what I'm worth in gold
I know the world is cold, but you keep me warm
and I keep you safe from any kind of harm
I lend my arms for support when you fall
A shoulder to cry on, and above all
My undying love, to you my dear
If only I could whisper in your ear
And hold you close, but dreams aren't meant to fly
So we're all on our own when we take to the sky
I'll bring down this whole fucking world and then
Loathe in the silence and rebuild it up again
There's only one way I can win, its so true
That I needed meaning in life, and got you
And I could never be more happy than right now
I'll be with you, babe, as long as time allows.

Theres No Room in Hell for Us.

You failed me, I'm walking the fuck away;
You buried me, to never see the light of day.
Yet here I stand, finding myself at ease.
I never will be the one on my knees.
I stand, stronger than ever and taller now,
I'll make it through this hell no matter how.
If it takes a thousand years of torment,
Just know its not in me to relent,
I'll make my way to your arms eventually;
I won't let this knife in back be the end of me.
I'll write my name in the stone with blood.
Till Kingdom come, through fire and flood.
I can't let it come to this, I just can't let it,
I've said it all a thousand times and you still don't get it..
The words have more than meaning to me when I say,
"This love can't wait another day."

Life is like...

Life is like walking a road of broken glass while barefooted. You're going to get hurt along the way, but at the end of that road you've got something to show for it. Whether you meak out your existence or you're wealthy as golden shit. Either way, we all die in time; and you can't take your money with you to spend in the grave.

People like to comfort themselves with possessions and order, when in all actuality human nature is War and Chaos. Everywhere you turn, there's war, genocide, pollution, extortion of fellow human beings, and a sheep like Mass gathered to Congregate on words stolen and re-written.

Find comfort in your Gods if you must, but know that you have as much clue about life after death as I do. Not a God Damned thing.

So why do we find ourselves always questioning but not with reason or logic? Why do we ponder upon simple things when there's boundless knowledge been saved for up to thousands of years for the very purpose to make sure we don't make the same mistakes. History is full of cycles, and we're on the downhill slope of a nation bound for poverty and war. The people basically cry out for it when the topic arises, hell; I know plenty with arms and ammo to match in stock.

But what does it all lead to? Thousands dead and millions mourning. If anything should be learned from history and its lessons is that Life is your one true shot at molding a legend into stone for all to see ages from now. Instead we find ourselves a corporate zombie mass, always up at 6 in the morning and ready for bed around 10PM. It's fucking sickening, and if I do anything before I die its wake these blind mother-fuckers up and show them that life is meaningless without seeing the world for what it is, our mother. It gave us birth and we gave it the cancer of society and cities. If anything, Human Nature is to destroy.

That said, I ask you to sit awake, before you sleep at night; and think about what life could be like.

Global Trade
Racial Equality
No Religion
Growth of Science
and eventually,
Ideal Society.

A society where people are free to speak without being an outcast, where words bear more than meaning when spoken. Where educated men treat equally smart women with the respect they deserve. I know it may all be a lost cause or a dream of something that will never happen, but just think about it. Anything is possible with devotion.

-Caleb Kershner

First Entry

It seems as though even the hardest tragedies to cope with have been picking meat from my bones for 2 years, Tuesday was the 2 year Anniversary of Garrett's suicide, and for the first time in 2 years when I think of him I can hear his laugh and see his smile once more. I'm finally becoming adjusted to the fact that I may never see any of my friends again, and as sad as that is it keeps me closer to them than ever before.

Life has never meant so much. I think for the first time in 19 years I'm actually going to put forth effort to see to it that this grave I'm in has a ladder out of it. I'm done being the one that sits in pity, the one who cries over the past, the one that has had everything stripped from him. It's time that I regain what's rightfully mine. I'll do any and everything in my power to see to it that my life actually means something.

I've tried my hardest just so you can comprehend
There's nothing but scars left upon my skin
And no matter what you say, they bear your name
But I'm not here to just cast blame or shame
My words stand stronger than the vastest armies
By blade, bullet, or words; they'll never harm me
For pain is just like a drug, you build up a tolerance
Yet still I'm searching for something with substance
For something more than what I've been dying for
I shall live a life of a legend that stands out in lore
View me as divine or the one who brings end
It's a fact now, and you can no longer pretend
I'll bring the rains and shadows to smother city lights
And I'll bring the flames to glow in the night
Cities laid to waste and families left in ruin
The words of death and darkness, I speak fluent
So won't you join me, atop the clock tower
And watch the cities burn in this divine hour?